Reflections on faith, or lack therof

Sometimes, I think that I am perceived as a "bad" Christian. Tonite, I was on the train with my friend, having a somewhat intense theological discussion. We look over and the guy next to us is reading his Bible. Clearly this guy was military. Anyway, he jumps in when we get to the point of Old Covenant vs. New Covenant. I pretty much said "isn't it all the same covenant?" To which my friend, a believer no longer, agreed. I think we stumped the guy a little bit. Then he really stumped me because he began talking about the end of all things, which is not my strong point AT ALL. There was one point of complete and utter silence, but it was right after he talked about judgement day. But, if we took all the Scriptures about judgement day and put them together, I don't think that you can make a cohesive theory of what is going to happen. Even if you use the excuse of God's grace - I know he is a graceful God, yadda yadda, and will "have compassion on who He has compassion" - to explain true seekers without knowing Christ, it does not complete the cycle. There are just some things we cannot fully know, because God has chosen not to reveal.



I've been thinking about this interaction- big surprise, right? I think because I come from a seeminly less rational place, which I actually think is more rational, because it is based on experience, I may be perceived as a Christian who does not know very much. How does this lack of knowledge reflect on my faith? Because I do no know, does that mean I do not understand?



As I have said previously, I think we need to dump certain perceptions of truth that we hold on to so tightly. According to my faith, real truth will never be knowable until after we are long dead. But, if the God of the universe is surprising silent on the topic of say, judgement day, but vocal on practices with money and other such things, then maybe, although it fascinates us, we should give up what we think and let God do the talking. Focus on what we know instead of filling in the gaps of what we don't know. But this attitude gets me in trouble. I can't debate with someone about what I don't know. And because I don't know this, I am viewed as uneducated, or in need of guidance.

I know I take personal offense to this accusation (see, even my language makes it more serious than it seems). But, it is an affront to how I define myself. I can't keep coming back to the same point, that I don't know very much where God is silent. I think there's a perception that surely, we can find a way to fill in the holes. And if I don't want to, I must not be strong in my faith.

There's a leap in logic here. If I don't want to fill in the holes, maybe I'm giving room to let God be God. Maybe my lack of curiousity is not indicative of a lack of faith, it's indicative of a lack of obession about what I cannot know. There's a difference. If I am constantly striving to know the unknowable, it's pointless. There are many ways to find out more about faith - namely, through experience. The experience of the last days will come soon enough. I will welcome them joyfully, but not before its own time.