In my last blog, I posed the question, who is not being heard? And you know, when you pose that question, "God, who do you want me to see and hear?" He will answer and answer more obviously and subtly than you can ever think.
I am not listening to those who are close to me. Recently I had an altercation with a coworker because I did not listen to him. On the surface, it looks like he was just being a jerk, but upon closer examination, I indirectly avoided his problem, which provoked him even more. And I did it without even realizing what I was doing.
Now, I have these two friends who want to be friends, but because they do not listen to each other, have a hard time. They do not listen and they do not see. They do not listen to the heart of the other - how can they, you have to read between the lines so deeply! - and therefore do not see and cannot sympathize with the other. And, in turn, I have not seen them individually. I tried to explain to one about herself and in the process completely alienated her and hurt her feelings. She was having a bad day and I did not remember. I did not listen.
I guess the heart of the matter is that we just don't know how to listen. We cannot forget ourselves for one stinkin' moment and focus on another person for once. True listening takes skill: removing yourself from what that person is saying and asking questions to truly get to the heart of the matter. This is why we pay professionals (therapists, pastors) to do it. How many times have I glossed over the problems of this young girl in my charge, blaming her youth? How many times have I said something to defend myself when I was not even being attacked? How many times I have I protected the comfort of my own heart at the expense of another?
I thank God because He allowed me to see the obviousness of His point in who needed an ear. I thank God because He has given me the sight to see this obviously and not react out of my own self. God, now I ask for grace to actually listen. Teach me to remove myself so that others can grow, and know that in that, I will grow, too!
Love,
Tina
4.30.2008
4.26.2008
Ana and Mia
Ana and Mia are sisters. If it were 500 years ago, you would say that they are both lovely young maidens on the verge of becoming women. They are well adjusted, do all of their chores well, love children, and take very good care of their appearance. They each even have a special talent; Mia is a master at embroidery and Ana spins and weaves the finest silk, fit for all the royalty of the land. They seem to be the perfect young maidens waiting for their knight in shining armor, except for one thing: Ana hardly has any appetite and Mia can't hold any food down, which makes them both very skinny and seemingly unattractive to potential suitors. But, they are beautiful, even though the world tells them otherwise.
I recently found this underground community called pro-ana and pro-mia, which is short for pro-anorexia and pro-bulimia. It's sort of a strange bird. They say they do not advocate for the aquistion of anorexia or bulimia, but many of these websites and forums that I visited swap tips about distracting yourself away from your hunger, how to fast, the dangers of purging but if you must... There was a disclaimer at this one saying "If you are looking for a how-to guide, GO AWAY!" and yet it was one of the more resourceful websites on "how to get anorexia and bulimia."
To us "fat" people, it sounds sick, I know. But let's take it from some of these people's perspecitves. Anorexia and/or bulimia is their way of life; to tell them to live otherwise would be like someone telling me to give up my quest for God and start my quest for Nirvana. Anas and Mias formed this community because they found no support elsewhere. Think about it, if you were friends with someone diagnosed with anorexia and they wanted to tell you how they distracted themselves from eating the other day, would you be able to listen? No! You would say, "Why don't that girl eat? She's a skinny little thing and she makes me look fat!"
It makes me sad that we objectify these people who are obviously doing something we, as a society, don't approve of and is generally unhealthy. Of all the people in the world, who are crying out for understanding, and we reject the habits of these people. They feel like we are rejecting them because we don't understand and have no empathy. God have mercy on us!
Anyway, please don't get me wrong. Anorexics supporting anorexica is probably not such a great choice, because it perpetuates a cycle. But, this community formed for a reason: no one listened to them. They were not heard, so they are trying to be seen. And still, no one saw. It forces me to think, "If no one listened to them, who else is being ignored or downtrodden upon? Who else needs a voice?"
So, I put that question out there. Who do you think is not being heard? God, who do you want me to see?
I recently found this underground community called pro-ana and pro-mia, which is short for pro-anorexia and pro-bulimia. It's sort of a strange bird. They say they do not advocate for the aquistion of anorexia or bulimia, but many of these websites and forums that I visited swap tips about distracting yourself away from your hunger, how to fast, the dangers of purging but if you must... There was a disclaimer at this one saying "If you are looking for a how-to guide, GO AWAY!" and yet it was one of the more resourceful websites on "how to get anorexia and bulimia."
To us "fat" people, it sounds sick, I know. But let's take it from some of these people's perspecitves. Anorexia and/or bulimia is their way of life; to tell them to live otherwise would be like someone telling me to give up my quest for God and start my quest for Nirvana. Anas and Mias formed this community because they found no support elsewhere. Think about it, if you were friends with someone diagnosed with anorexia and they wanted to tell you how they distracted themselves from eating the other day, would you be able to listen? No! You would say, "Why don't that girl eat? She's a skinny little thing and she makes me look fat!"
It makes me sad that we objectify these people who are obviously doing something we, as a society, don't approve of and is generally unhealthy. Of all the people in the world, who are crying out for understanding, and we reject the habits of these people. They feel like we are rejecting them because we don't understand and have no empathy. God have mercy on us!
Anyway, please don't get me wrong. Anorexics supporting anorexica is probably not such a great choice, because it perpetuates a cycle. But, this community formed for a reason: no one listened to them. They were not heard, so they are trying to be seen. And still, no one saw. It forces me to think, "If no one listened to them, who else is being ignored or downtrodden upon? Who else needs a voice?"
So, I put that question out there. Who do you think is not being heard? God, who do you want me to see?
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